Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
