Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
