i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize