Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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