So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sober January is a disaster.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
