i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
