I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
