I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize