thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
