Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
