Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
why do cheetos always look like penises
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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