4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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