Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
