my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
