went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
