Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We left the knife in your bed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize