I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
