let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
