We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just pee around me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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