You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
