We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
