I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
