it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
