What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
