He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
