I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
