We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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