Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am available for nakedness
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