He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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