I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize