Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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