he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
