go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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