I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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