Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
