no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
