And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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