My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
