apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
