homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
