with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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