TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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