glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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