it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a beard to bite.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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