The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
