I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
