He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
