That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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