Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
