I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
