She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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