Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize