I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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