how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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