I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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