i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
