summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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