We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's like iHOP with fire
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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