12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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