I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
