She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were trust falling into bushes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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