Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
