I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
