is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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