he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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