Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
