At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
