He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
