Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
