the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
