My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
