a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
