there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
