brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
