Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
