I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
