can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
