Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
