ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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