Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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