dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
