The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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