I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
