Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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