this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
