is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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