you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
