literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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