thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize