On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
