bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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