I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
