if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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