She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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